Monday, November 16, 2009

WHERE DO UNDELETED CHARACTERS GO?

Got this from the Excellent Anvar Alikhan, who either spends far too much time sorting through the vast piles of garbage out there on the Net in order to send his friends only the choicest and most succulent of tidbits OR he never sleeps. Either way, I worry for him ... but am also very grateful.

According to my research this list is originally sourced to: Joel Garreau (garreau@well.com), as reported in his Cybersurfing column in the Washington Post


Where Do Deleted Characters Go?


QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my computer?

ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:

The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast," "sex" and "contraception."

The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower-case letters will become upper-case.

The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.

The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.

Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!

Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not making this up.

IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.

PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!

5 comments:

Scherezade said...

I want to see Christopher Hitchens' and BNP's explanations too.
:P

marginalien said...

Good one! Pls feel free to add your own ... I'll append it to the existing list.

Scherezade said...

Also, I LOVE the Dave Barry explanation. Heh.
(And I will make some with all the bloody psychologists I am studying now.)

Scherezade said...

Here is some fun stuff - http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794126
Especially love the one with Orwell.

Bindhu said...

Funny indeed! Thanks for sharing it. :)