Tuesday, March 24, 2009


These came to me via my buddy Anvar Alikhan. I formally designate him Humouristocrat Extraordinaire!


1. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

2. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

3. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

4. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

5. A backward poet writes inverse.

6. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

7. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

8. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

10. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

11. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

12. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

16. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

17. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

18. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Aaaaand ... here we go, evidence that I've been hard at work at a Secret Location Somewhere On This Planet: the prints. Yes I know they're a little fuzzy but that's only in these web-versions. Piratical types who like to download and use stuff without permission will have to be content with these delicately pixellated images.

They are in reverse-order to that in which I drew them, which (if Blogger doesn't re-align them) will reveal that the most complex-looking one (Subway) was actually done last, and took all of 2 hours to draw (the tones, of course, took MUCH LONGER. But that had more to do with the mechanical problems of blocking some areas, leaving it in the acid for a "bite", taking the plate out again and blocking more areas ... i.e., The Tedium, The Tedium, rather than The Work, The Work).

They're all small -- about 4"x6" -- impressions made from zinc plate. I guess it must be obvious I really enjoyed producing them? I had an excellent guide and master-printer in collaboration with me, so it's no surprise the results are what they are. Amongst the things I like about prints is that the artist can unashamedly admire the results -- the fact that the plates are put through a press makes it seem as if all the hard work was actually done by the machine, rather than the artist.



Saturday, March 07, 2009


And here's a link to my Kerala Cruise story in OUTLOOK TRAVELLER. It'll fill in the details in the background of the sketches I posted here. I am sure there are many more pictures in the print-version than there are on-line, so it may be worth hunting down a copy and buying/borrowing it.

I meanwhile, am ELSEWHERE. I've just spent the past ten days working at a print-making studio and living as a guest in a most charming apartment but there's a reason why I'm not revealing where I am -- and of course the reason cannot be revealed either! Sometimes I think I missed my calling, which was to be an undercover agent. I am constantly trying to cover my tracks in case ... well ... in case I'm discovered by friends who might have thought I was elsewhere. It's got to the point where I have NO friends, ANYWHERE mainly because I spend so much of my time ducking out of sight. Ah well. C'est la vie. Or ma vie, at any rate