These came to me via my buddy Anvar Alikhan. I formally designate him Humouristocrat Extraordinaire!
A BETTER CLASS OF PUN
1. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
2. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
3. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
4. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
5. A backward poet writes inverse.
6. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
7. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
8. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
10. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
11. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
12. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
16. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
17. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
18. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
7 comments:
This is one of Murphy's Laws which I picked up somewhere along the way.
"Leak-proof valves will; self-starters won't."
pundit anvar's puns were refreshing... heres a few witticisms to share -
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!"
gt
Ha! My residence has just experienced a connection upgrade ... and thus I have watched gt's video link on my own computer! Tx for that gt -- fascinating. I watched one of the other presenters, making a point in reference to the Abu Ghraib atrocities during which she mentioned the famous Stanley Milgram experiments involving obedience to authority.
I had read about this experiment when I was 15, in one of those TIME-LIFE books about the brain -- you will believe me when I say that it left an indelible mark on my consciousness! So of course my next move was to Google Milgram Experiment, which led me to the following video ... take a look:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6GxIuljT3w
"the god delusion", a super book, by the renown biologist/ thinker richard dawkins (and a staunch atheist himself) that essentially asks "how is it that so many isolated groups of humans independently came up with the concept of "god" during our civilizations and what possible evolutionary significance could there be to drive this feature?" the answer he supplies is that little kids essentially have a genetic predisposition that teaches them to accept authority UNQUESTIONABLY ( the little girl better not question mama or daddy, or an adults order to not touch the moving stick (a snake) or put those colorful beads (poisonous berries) in her mouth else she wont survive (and live to reproduce and pass down her genes). so very early on in a child's growth - only those kids with the genes to obey - survive and retain those "obedience genes" in the population in a darwinian context. now u can imagine that a growing child attending religious ritual being fed all the mumbo jumbo of their particular rituals and being told explicitly to never question it.... thus the propogation of mankind's direst disease - religon. incidentally don't u wonder that how is it that hindu's religious miracles always witness hindu gods/ goddesses whereas a christian only sees christ and his associated mythology, or how come god always seems to be on the larger army's side and so on? indeed even adolph hitler in his book (meine krampf?) mentioned that he had learnt from his own childhood experience with priests and monks that one must target and indoctrin8 the youth because once you could convince a young child of an ideology - you had them for life! gt
Dawkins had my attention from the time I read his essay on memes in Hoffstadter's "The Mind's I". Amongst the set of videos at the Discovery site there's one that explores our willingness to focus more precisely on those topics that confirm our beliefs. I can remember, for instance, in the years during which I had some kind of faith (under the direction of the Catholic schools I went to), I found all kinds of confirmation of the existence of a divine entity. And felt disappointed when someone I liked and admired did NOT confirm my views.
Nowadays I prefer to go in the direction of the entity in a science fiction story I read, an entity whose whole purpose was to answer the questions of the Universe. To all the urgent questions posed to him/it -- including those from humans who wished to confirm the existence of [god] -- he/it can only say "You're asking the wrong question ..." (or words to that effect).
I liked that.
or when richard feynman was drafted during the vietnam war and was asked "what do you think is the meaning of life - to which he replied "46" and he was deemed to be mentally unfit to serve in the army ----- though of course as is well known he went on to become one of the gr8est physicists and nobel laure8! gt
nice! I particularly like #4
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