Tuesday, November 16, 2004

... and in other news

Just because I've been in a creative frenzy doesn't mean that I've left off fretting about the US election results. And neither have several of my friends. Here are two thought-provoking links sent to me/us by friends:US Election Results 2004, by IQ and
Sorry, Everyone.

Two other friends sent longer documents, one of which is worded in the kind of paint-stripping language which isn't ideal for a nice little blog like this one(but I will send it along to those who ask politely for it, if they can assure me that under-age eyes will not be exposed to it). Here's the other one, sent by friends in Rhode Island:


California letter of Secession

Dear President Bush,

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.

Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday.

Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, we're getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks). Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and anti-war.

Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.

So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)

Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show and Conan O'Brien. You get ... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)

We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction.
Seriously. Soon.

Sincerely, California

9 comments:

Amrobilia said...

Nice!

Send me that 'not for the underage' thing please. Kiranfoto sent a nice quote to sesbania. Did you see it?

anshu said...

I'm too awestruck by you to argue with you, and I did find the letter funny. But don't you think this is just another form of intolerance? Every one has a right to their own opinion. Trying to make the connection between IQ and political position is dangerously close to the premise of "The Bell Curve." I probably should take these as what they are meant to be - harmless jokes, but I've been bombarded with anti-Republican sentiment.

And California is ranked 14th in average IQ; what's up with that?

Marginalien said...

(eek, ouch! Please don't be awestruck!) -- yes, the surge anti-Republican sentiment is a form of intolerance -- but I'm hoping that it's "intolerance against intolerance" if ya see what I mean. Two negatives make a postive ... maybe? Of course, some of it looks rather like "plain ol' intolerance". *sigh* We're a silly old species. If I could cancel my subscription, I would.

Marginalien said...

-- and yes, Amro, I got the quote in question -- and here it is:

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."

H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

As for the paint-stripper comment, I'll forward it to you by e-mail.

Harold said...

Maybe U.S. citizens should all be forced to vote, and then you'd have an actual representation of the people... even better, get a constitutional monarchy... still better, rejoin the British Empire, actually we probably wouldn't want you, and the Windsors are not the brightest of families, but you could ask some nice Spanish prince/ss to be your monarch, and the Danish Royal Family is a smart liberal bunch. But you know the thing about secession is its anti-social, unliberal, pro-war stuff: economies become ruined and in turn people's lives; you'd have to conscript to fight off the U.S.; so you'd actually be having a war, and if you said you weren't gonna fight, well, there goes secession down the dunny; to quote from Cicero "a day is not enough for me" (Pro Caelio) to list the various aspects of rashness that is secession. Nevertheless, this letter has a certain boldness to it which is very entertaining, and if I did not know better I would assume it was taking the piss out of people who really did want to rebel, but then again the Californian sense of humour is very bland and tasteless. But it is this point of "anti-war" which most undermines the idea of secession which I would like to reiterrate.
I thought IQ had been outmoded by EQ?

Anonymous said...

check out www.fuckthesouth.com - and i request email of alleged paint stripping letter. de mockery is on the march! gt

Marginalien said...

EQ -- as in horse sense?? Just kidding. Good point (both). I suspect the secession here means something cool and hip, like just signing a stack of documents over a cup of good Columbian coffee (from ecologically thoughtful, fair-price suppliers with strong, muscular bodies and perhaps great singing voices).

And gt, I strongly suspect that the website to which you're directing my attention is the motherlode of the paint-stripper message, because the said message begins with the very same three words that form the name of your web-site. I realize, of course, that what I call "paint-stripping", you would call "lukewarm milk" ...

Amrobilia said...

This is exciting!

Buchu said...

i have to admit that the IQ correlation bothers me a bit. when the bjp lost (which i rejoiced at), a number of my otherwise intelligent friends said: how dumb could the indian masses be to vote for a white italian woman? this is what happens when you give illiterates the right to vote blah blah blah. now saying something like: all those who voted for bush are idiots is sort of falling into the same trap. i dont like bush, i'm upset he won, and i'm disturbed that so many ppl voted for him. but to dismiss the millions who voted for him as either stupid or intolerant is a huge huge mistake and very condescending. so yeah, the IQ thing is funny...but only up to a point.