Showing posts with label puns; humour;. Show all posts
Showing posts with label puns; humour;. Show all posts

Saturday, May 14, 2011

PUNZ

Okay, time for a silliness break. I got these from a punny guy called Ranvir S!

Did you hear about the glass blower who accidentally inhaled? Now he’s got a pane in his stomach.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

PUNZ!

These came to me via my buddy Anvar Alikhan. I formally designate him Humouristocrat Extraordinaire!

A BETTER CLASS OF PUN

1. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

2. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

3. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

4. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

5. A backward poet writes inverse.

6. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

7. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

8. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

10. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

11. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

12. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

16. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

17. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

18. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.